I am so glad you posted this topic, as I am in the very same situation. It is more than difficult. I met my S.O. in Madrid in October of 2003. I was just there for a week vacation and had no prior history with Spain. We've done the long distance thing ever since -- I went there for 6 weeks and studied Spanish 6 hours a day, he came here for 3 months and "hung out." We make bi-monthly trips to see each other. I don't love Spain, he doesn't love the U.S. But we love each other. So what to do? I really struggle with the "can I give up my life and identity and move to another country" question all the time. I have a good, stable job - an attorney - I own my apartment, I have a good group of friends, and speak spanish like a 10 year old. He doesn't have a great job, doesn't own his apartment, has a great group of friends, and is fluent in english. So practically speaking, it seems more logical for him to move here. Except that I feel it kills a little part of him when he's here -- it takes away that part of him that is so Spanish, which is part of what I love about him. I know he'd move here for a few years, but he's got "spain on the brain," meaning we'd be moving back there at some point. And I worry about the isolation. I didn't see that many Americans when I was there (other than college students) and I can completely understand that even after learning the language you'd still feel like an outsider. But then I can see positives about life in spain as well -- all I have to do is pick up today's Washington Post and I am ready to flee the U.S. borders. Anyway, I've nothing constructive to say except that I share your situation and love to hear others experiences as well. I want to so badly to believe true love wins out -- but, maybe I'm a little old for such naivete! ;-) I will say that I had a friend who had lived all over the world and found living in Madrid difficult because she was Asian. She told me people really had a different and difficult reaction to her because of it.