Madrid Man,

I think you are being very wise! Such a strong love must exist between you and your ladyfriend to have kept a relationship going after so long. She obviously has a commitment to her mother and you are being responsible and considerate of her by not giving her an additional burden. You are taking care of your own professional development as well as keeping this flame alive. I don't think it's wise to give EVERYTHING up for yourself no matter how strong the love.

Here are a few cases in point - a friend of mine gave everything up in Madrid to be with her novio here. I'm glad she moved her because she's one of my best friends, but I'm not glad for her sake ... she had a great job and now she can't work here. He's also from Madrid but he owns a company. She helps him out with some of his company needs and she often complains about getting caught up in his life, his work without having anything of her own. Not that there's anything wrong with ironing your novio's shirts ... but really! She was very successful in Spain and once I went there I couldn't believe what she gave up! It'd be one thing if she was blissfully happy, but she's not. Since he works from home they are always together. Major drain on the relationship.

In another happy case I know my friend met her husband here but she had to return to S. Africa. 4.5 years later, phone calls, etc; she made it back. But she was ready to leave and he is able to support her so that she now works part-time.

My Madrid friend tried to set me up with someone while I was there. One of the things I clearly saw was that if I ever moved to Spain, yes it would be more convenient to marry someone who could support me. But I wouldn't want that to be the motive. Like so many I have strong desire to live there for a while, but I knew then that if I moved there to marry this man (in theory ... because he wasn't good marriage material) I would've still wanted to continue pursuing my professional activities. I just saw this vision of myself as the bored housewife (aka my friend) and that scared me!!!

Now I am thinking wouldn't it be better to just arrange my life so I can have the best of both worlds ... live here and spend a lot of time there. (Ofcourse I am in love with the country, not with a Spaniard! And until I fall in love, where ever cupid should strike me ... I am somewhat of a free agent.)

It is a difficult balance and the key here is to know WHEN to make the right choices. I believe you should follow your heart, but that doesn't mean you can't be practical.

Churrito