Atrixo,
I am an American girl who could use your advice since you seem to be the expert on the American Woman psyche, I am a 21 year old American (female) college student, and I consider myself a friendly person but not willing to jump into bed with the first person that asks, as you have found in your experiences, my problem is that when I went to Madrid last summer, every Spanish or American guy I met thought that because I had conversation with them I wanted to go to bed with them. I really just enjoy going out and meeting new people, making new friends, and building relationships or should I say close friendships I know how the relationship word scares off most American men, I enjoy these people but don't neccessarily want to end up shagging them when its all said and done. The worst part about this whole dilemma was that each and every night when I went out in Madrid, I would meet beautiful Spaniards and Americans, who by the end of the night would have so much alcohol in them that they expected that I was willing to go home with them. It usually ended pretty badly, for I would end up feeling quite mean for having to awkwardly tell someone to get their hands off me, and keep saying no hundred times until they left me alone. What should I do?
I know that everyone thinks American girls are easy, however I am not, and no I am not a lesbian either, I just respect myself enough not to give it up on the drop of a hat. I enjoy talking to and meeting men, its not like Spanish women are dying to talk to the next American tourist girl that comes around. So it seems that the only people I can practice my Spanish with are men. Do I have to start every conversation with, "No I will not sleep with you, do you want to talk anyway?" I am also afraid that nine times out of ten they will say "no" Does anyone have any advice for a woman, going to Spain this summer and trying not "to get lucky"?
Thanks you all are great,
and shall I mention that " Sex in Spain? I need answers!!! " is has been the most amusing thread I've read thus far?
You guys have a great sense of humor.

Try going out around Chueca in Madrid. You'll find the men charming and attractive and none of them will want to sleep with you!

First of all, I want to first apologize for all men out there for our assumption that if a girl is willing to talk to us that she also probably wants some of the old in and out too. I often feel like for a lot of guys, going out in search of women is like a race. You have a limited time to find someone to have sex with. As a result, statistically it makes sense for men in search of sex to proposition more girls for sex, just as a way to increase odds of success. It’s not like the lottery where the odds of winning are so slim that buying 10 tickets instead of 1 will likely not increase your odds when they are 1 in 150 million. But with finding a girl to hook up, the odds are more like 1 in 10, so propositioning 20 girls in one night makes good statistical sense.

Now the explanation for why guys almost always end up making their “intentions” clear by the end of the night are simple too. It’s because he has little to lose. If she says no, then he can move onto another girl but if she sasys yes then, well, that’s self-explanatory. For you, Amanda, know this one thing. No matter what a guy says or does, if you’re an attractive girl, and I’m sure you are, then guys will always want to have sex with you. It’s nature. Men hunt. Period. You are probably thinking, it’s okay that guys want to have sex, but at least can’t they wait a while for us to get to know each other before they expect me to take that step. The answer is no. Guys are naturally impatient when it comes to sex. If they see a prospect they’re going to try and seal the deal because they’re afraid if they don’t someone else will. So here are my suggestions for trying to hang out and be friends with guys without them pressuring you to have sex.

1) Go out with a group of friends, preferably have at least 1 friend be more willing to sleep around or at least dress more provocatively. Guys will automatically assume you are the conservative girl of the group and either focus on trying to get with your sketchy friend or try to become more friendly with you as a means to get with your sketchy friend.

2) Offer something to the relationship other than sex. In other words be more than just a girl. Be the funny girl Or the smart girl, or the girl who knows how to cook. Highlight your best non-sexual characteristic and guys will realize, “well she’s not going sleep with me, but she really is funny so I guess I’ll hang out with her.”

3) Be a source of knowledge about girls. Let them know upfront that you’re waiting till you’re married but share all of your sordid stories about other women you know. Basically tell your new guy friend all of the tricks to getting with girls. He’ll definitely appreciate this and not be so focused on sleeping with you.

Hopefully this might help. And my last suggestion is from the comedian Dave Chapelle and is directed to girls who dress provocatively. “If you don’t want guys to think you’re a whore, don’t wear a whore’s uniform” .

It is cited as fact by social scientists that women look at sex as something that results from intimacy, whereas men look at sex as something that leads to intimacy. This means:

1. It's a compliment when men want to sleep with you. It means they like you on some level and maybe want to get to know you more intimately. You don't have to sleep with them.

2. Since men are generally programmed to want to have sex (which leads to intimacy) most men probably have had a fair amount of experience chasing after all kinds of women, even the ones who say no. They have probably heard the word a few times and are used to it and can accept it and deal with it. You don't have to sleep with them.

3. I've found that, surprisingly, at least SOME women want to have it both ways: They want to give out signals that suggest yes, because it gets them attention, but in the end they say no. I think men, for the most part, understand that too, but if you want to have good platonic relationships with men, be careful about your signals and don't abuse your sex appeal. Men get it. You don't have to sleep with them.

4. Men can be lots of fun, and some of them like women who are fun, too. You might find that the relationship of the amount of fun you can have with men is often proportional to the degree of intimacy you establish with them. Please see above. You may want to sleep with them.

You guys rule,
Honesty is a rare quality these days.
Atrixo, you are funny as hell, I hope you [get] the hostest chick ever based on the fact that you have a great sense of humor.

Barry, Are you suggesting that I go on a quest to meet gay men? I am not familiar with Chueca, please inform me.

And OhMike, tThank you also.
Hope you are all enjoying whatever you are doing at the moment
saludos
Amanda

Amanda I think it is better for you to hang out with a gay guy, if you are not looking for sex. Fact 1 most guys want it. fact2 many guys don´t want to be just friends. There is always a line of girls that want to be friends. There is also a saying "if I want a friend I will get a dog" friends works only if you want to marry someone in the future as you will probably marry your best friend. As far as short term bang away. If you don´t want to that´s ok too. But then and again when in Spain......

This is one of the few times I'm really glad I'm old! I'd hate to be in the situation where I either had to be ready to jump in the sack with every male who came along, find a gay guy to talk to, or sit alone! I don't envy you young ladies at all! Yes, men have always wanted it, but they used to be willing to wait more than 5 minutes to get it!