Ok first off let me say that I just found this board and finally realized that I am not crazy for being in love with Spain! I cannot tell you how many people have walked into my room and commented how wierd it is that I have a huge Spanish flag and walls plastered with posters of bullfighters and all of the cities I have visited in Spain.
Now to the question at hand....
I am leaving for Spain in exactly one month. This will be my third trip, and I will be staying for three months. About 4 months ago i started dating a guy who goes to the same university as I do that is from Spain. We had been friends before, but have become much more and have a great relationship. I have been planning my trip for almost a year now, so it works out really nice that I will be in Madrid this summer, and so will he (because that is where he is from). I do not think that he has told his parents about me yet, and at first that really really bothered me. Then I talked to one of my girl friends who is also from Madrid, and happens to know my boyfriend and his family, and she told me that it is quite normal not to involve your family in your love life. She said that she has friends back home that have been dating for several years that have only taken each other home maybe 2 or 3 times. Is she right about this? I know it is not an issue of him not wanting to continue our relationship over there, because he talks about it with enthusiasm all of the time. Has anybody else had the experiene of going to Spain and meeting "the family"? Needless to say I am very nervous about this and really do not know what to expect. I sense that the whole attitude on dating is entirely different over there, and I am a bit nervous about how things will change between my boyfriend and I in this different environment. Sorry to get so personal, but I really don't know anyone who could answer my questions any better. Any suggestions?

Hi Rubia! I can relate to your situation somewhat. I've been dating a woman IN Madrid for more than 8 years now and have been fortunate that the entire family knows and accepts me. (I THINK they even LIKE me! Go Figure! hehehe..) I even stay at their flat when visiting, they cook for me, they even wash and iron my underwear! They're wonderful people. I love them like my own family.

I also just did a search and found more than one cross-cultural dating-related threads. One in particular caught my eye which had a lot of opinions therein: " Dating ".

Good luck! Saludos, MadridMan

I know the anxiety you are feeling!!! The first time I went to meet my madrileno husband's family in Madrid (I met him in California), I was soooo nervous. Anyway, we were already engaged about 9 months and the whole 3 weeks in Madrid, he would NOT say a thing. It was not until we arrived back in the States, that he called his family and told them. I didn't understand it. It took 2 more trips, being married (my suegros would not come to the wedding), and meeting my New Mexican hispanic mom and sister 2 years later, did they finally (I think) accept me!. The last trips have been great! I don't get the warm fuzzies I so want from them, but I know in their own way they like me. Just be polite, learn their customs, and above all, be yourself! Good luck, let us know how it goes!!!

Rubia, I think you've been given good advice, don't worry about it (it may be a blessing)! Does your boyfriend have any siblings living in Spain? I found it a great way to become close to the family without involving the parents (at first). I met my now in-laws while biking. We ran into them on the street and at first I didn't realize they were his parents (I was mortified with my appearance, lycra, helmet, the whole bit) . Soon after they invited us for a Sunday lunch and it went really well because I had already formed a relationship with his siblings and was completely comfortable around them.

The fact that your boyfriend is studying abroad is a sign that his parents are open to the "international experience" and they have to assume he's going to find someone special while away from home. I wouldn't push the issue unless you are both living in Spain or you're heading in the marriage direction.

One young lady posted a sad story here last year referring to a young Spanish student in the U.S. with whom she had become involved romantically but when she went to Spain the whole relationship changed. It was that his family wouldn't accept her for some reason or other (it could even have been a social 'classs' thing). He was what is sometimes referred to as a 'señorito.'
As for meeting the family: usually it's the man who is invited to the home of the young lady, at which time (if he meets their approval) their status may change from buenos amigos to Novios

Interesting topic--just thought I'd share my experience with meeting the family. I studied in Salamanca last year and dated a Spaniard. During our "Semana Santa" vacation I went home with him to Gran Canaria and I was really nervous about meeting his parents because they had never met an American before and had all these strange ideas about what Americans were like. They basically thought that all Americans are crazy and walk around carrying guns all the time! Plus before they met me they were worried that I might steal something from their house, and they asked my boyfriend a ton of questions about me, even what kind of clothes I wear!

But when I met them they were very nice to me, they even bought me presents, and I think I was able to convince them that there are some "normal" Americans. However, my boyfriend never really told them that we were dating--he just said we were good friends, but they suspected that it was more than that. Later he told me that his parents (especially his mother) really didn't like the idea of him dating an American because she thought that I would somehow manipulate him into coming to live in the U.S. and they would never see him again (which is ridiculous anyway because I don't even want to live in the U.S.). Anyway, I think they were very happy when I left Spain last July. I've been back there two times since then to visit but he never told his parents that I was in Spain. Now, I'm planning on moving to Spain in September (not just to be with him) but I'm sure that his parents are going to flip out when they find out that I'll be living in Spain. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

I think that I can somewhat relate to your experience SuperGuiri.... although it is not that my boyfriend's parents don't like Americans, because they have visited the States several times and really like it here, but rather that his mom specifically told him not to get involved with anyone while he was over here because she was affraid that he would want to stay here. I also heard from my Spanish girl friend that knows my boyfriend's family that his parents are very old-fashioned and strict, so that may be another reason why he has not told them yet. So is the general concensus that I should not feel bad for the fact that he has kept me a secret from them? I do know that he has told his older brother and that he is anxious to meet me, so hopefully all goes well. Luckily for me I will have my own flat and won't be staying at their house, so hopefully they won't have too much of an opportunity to hate me. I was just anxious to hear what other people's experiences have been.

Rubia
Just enjoy the company of your friendship and dont worry about his family. Europeans have a different mentallity when it comes to boyfriends-girlsfriend. Certainly marriage is not as important as it is to most in the US. Parents are not involved as the parents are in the US. Remember going to school in the US means having boyfriends/girlfriends just so to be accepted. In Europe it is different, you just might even find out that your boyfriend even sometimes rather meets with his friends, (some of them are even GIRLS). Just relax enjoy being there and with him. European (German) by birth, American by choice, Spaniard by dreaming. Life is good when in Spain

Mecky,

I'm sorry to have to disagree with you, but I don't think marriage is more important for Americans than for Spaniards, quite the contrary (if we get married less often or later in life it's partly because we want to make surer (as much as that's possible )) we don't end up getting a divorce! And I don't think that parents involvement regarding our "love-lives" is lesser either, it's just a little different.
Remember we're talking about the mediterranean culture, I guess it's different in Germany.

Pim
I am sorry if I gave the impression that Spaniards do not value marriage. I am saying that the tought of marriage for young people is not the single focus. Here in the States it is very important for 14-16 years old to have claim to a boy-or girlfriend. To go to the PROM without Boy or Girlfriend is unheard of. To get the famous engagement ring right after Graduation from High School or College if very important in this Country.If anything I dare say is that marriage is more important, however it is a later time in life with total commitment and honoring the family unit. I hope that I have better explained myself this time.