Recently my friends and I have been sharing experiences about cross-cultural dating. I've been dating a man from Galicia, now he lives in Madrid. We seem to break-up 50 times a day just because of simple miscommunications. But I guess that happens for every couple, even those that speak the same language. Still, I am curious to know what people here would like to add. What are your experiences with your Spanish friends?

Actually, I think one can turn the problem of miscommunication in a cross-cultural relationship into a virtue- by increased communication. Since you know that a conflict or misunderstanding might stem from a simple language problem, there is even more reason than in other relationships not to distrust and fight immediately, but to try talking and find out what the problem is about.
Of course, this requires that both partners respect each other-it does not work at all if one acts as if he or she is superior just if her or his language is spoken.

Hi - I pasted in this reply from member: Catalina

It was posted on a link discussing fashion generalizations - but thought it applied to dating too.

--from Catalina:

Careful ladies, you're going to get MM all worked up again, picturing Spanish women in tight pants and short skirts...
In my humble opinion, it seems that young Spanish men and women dress more to be attractive to each other than Americans (women especially), who seem to dress more for "fashion". It might also be that, in my experience, European men are more tuned into women's fashion than Americans and are more impressed by a well-dressed, "in style" woman. Most American men care nothing about "style" - in or out.
As for French vs Spanish - the clothing and style is similar, I think, but the Spanish women have a different attitude and walk ( and they seem to be generally taller!)that make them look different - and they're more animated. French women past the age of 20 seem to adopt a more reserved and blase (that IS a French word, after all) demeanor.
The group thing is something that most Americans are surprised by but it's really very Spanish. Someone more eloquent and knowledgeable (where are you rgf? Antonio?)might like to try and explain the Spanish mindset regarding male/female dating rituals but I can't handle it without a LOT more caffeine...
Anyway, what it all boils down to is that Spaniards are MUCH more fun to party with than the French - and they always look good!
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To continue...

If at the clubs - the groups of friends are all dancing in their exclusive circle, how do they get to meet anybody not in their group? Are introductions very popular?

I've found in my own experience that Spanish friends are almost as demanding of time as a Spanish family. When do lovers get to be with eachother one on one? On the train, during siesta or very very late after dinner with the business friends?

It seemed very common that men we met in Madrid, always wanted to see us after dinner with the business friends. Is it get off work, go drink, watch some futbol, then meet with business friends for dinner, then meet the girls? And of course, most of the business friends are male. Are women really still "the enemy" in Madrid? It all sort of reeked of the old moneied boys club, if you know what I mean.

I could add more, but would like to know others opinions first,

Hasta Luego...

My impression, from spending a semester in Spain, was that there was much less dating and lots more hooking up. I don't remember any of my Spanish roomies have what we would consider a date in the States - more like going to a club or bar with the girls and meeting up there with a particular guy. The couple of girls who did have a steady didn't seem to see their boyfriends very often, and not on the weekends - that time was reserved for family.

So I would agree, there seemed to be a lot less one-on-one time between couples, but maybe that was just the way it is for college-age people.

I remember feeling like my Spanish "boyfriend" noticed how I looked, what I wore, etc. much more than American guys I have dated (all except for my darling husband--no, I take that back; last week I got my hair highlighted and he didn't notice at all!).

Because of that, I felt more compelled to look attractive, and more certain that he would notice and comment. I also FELT more attractive than I have in many relationships with American guys (excepting my wonderful husband, of course), because he was so sincere and generous with his compliments. And I felt more aware of how I looked/dressed generally, because everyone from the 65-year-old shopkeepers to the bartenders might comment.

All of this did offend my feminist sensibilities a bit, but it also felt good and refreshing to try out a new, more feminine and flirtatious, me for a summer!

I agree w/taravb. I dated two guys (at different times) during my semester in Spain. Both really noticed how I looked, which was hard for me, the T-shirt and jeans queen! I also found myself dressing up more, but part of that was because of an arrangement I made with one of them. (I agreed to dress up more and he agreed to shower and wear clean clothes whenever we went out).

I didn't find communication to be much of an issue. Both guys were pretty patient, and after a while I got fairly good at reading their expressions so I could tell when something I did or said confused them or was very different from what they were used to.

One of the guys I went out with preferred going out with friends. We always went out in groups of 6 or more people. He was definitely a party kind of guy. The other was a little older and preferred that we go out alone. It was very much like dating in the States.

One thing I will say: both of them wanted to go out ALL THE TIME. I probably went out at least three times a week, and that's not including the times that I'd go out with the girls. I thought this was a little unusual, but I enjoyed it, and they made good tour guides.

To start from the beginning-I think the term "dating" does not translate well into other languages. Isn't it sort of contradictory because it implies a steady and a casual character of a relationship at the same time?
When you talk about having a "novio" in Spain, it sounds more serious-below that, you could talk about an "amigo"-but a date?
What Wendy E describes is in my impression more what happens between younger people, in fact- people in their later 20s or 30s who have a steady partner also pass a lot of time together. It is quite common to go out in groups, although not everyone does that all the time.

I remember, when I was dating my Spanish boyfriend, that he and I would meet in the evening (under the reloj in the Plaza Mayor in Salamanca, where EVERYONE meets!), then go from place to place (dinner, bars, dancing, whatever), meeting up with various groups of his friends (and later, when I knew more people, also with some of my friends). We were clearly a pair, but tended to move in and out of other groups throughout an evening. I would never have felt comfortable calling him a "novio" since I thought that was for people who were much more seriously involved than we were, but he and I both expected to spend our free evenings together (maybe 3-5 nights a week, but this was summer, so things were more relaxed).

And of course, being a sweet and considerate Spanish guy, he always walked me home (usually in the wee hours of the morning, since people stay out SO LATE there) to the residencia (which was a HIKE from the center of town--I used to tell taxi drivers who weren't familiar with it that it was "al lado del cementerio" and they would always comment, "muy lejos!").

I did notice that my boyfriend was very quick to say "te quiero," though I wasn't ever entirely sure how to take it ("I love you/I want you"?). I assumed the former, given our other conversations, and was surprised because I had always thought that Spanish guys wouldn't say such a thing so easily. Of course, we were both pretty young (20 or so) at the time, so it may just have been youthful impetuousness on his part (or perhaps a desire to get me in bed? who knows? the language barrier never really got cleared up on this point!).

Speaking of which (and since I'm in the middle of this post and can't search, forgive me, MM, if this has been discussed already), what are the patterns of sexual activity among young Spaniards? The developmental psychologist in me wants to know!