hi everybody!! i hope you are all having a very nice week, and that if you're doing any traveling for New Year's, that you have a safe trip.

i guess i'll preface my post by saying that i identify as a gay woman and that i leave in 12 days for madrid, where i'll be studying for the spring semester (january thru may). i'm wondering if any gay and lesbian or just knowledgeable folk here might be able to offer some insight with regard to gay issues.

here in the states (i live in buffalo) i am basically "out" to the majority of people- all of my classmates, most of my teachers, even my coworkers. all of my friends and some family members know (with the exception of my father). basically i feel very comfortable with my life here. it could always be better acceptance-wise, but i'm definitely making it thru. i feel like i'm well-established or something. anyone who is in my life knows about my girlfriend and the love we share together. it has taken me quite some time to be able to achieve this level of confidence and i am so happy that i have made it this far. i have friends who are still attempting to accept themselves and feel comfortable in these shoes, and i am so grateful that i have been blessed with good friends who have supported me always.

in spain, i will be studying and living in madrid. instead of an apartment or student dorm, i have chosen to live with a family, because i felt i would get a bit more out of the experience that way, being able to participate first-hand in spanish culture instead of watching it from the sidelines somehow. while i am very very excited, at the same time, i am very nervous.

first of all i wonder what the environment is like for queers in spain. if you asked someone what it's like to be gay in buffalo, i'm sure they'd talk about allentown, a specific area within the city that is especially gay-positive. i've read about chueca and i know that it's the gay-positive section of madrid. i've even been to chueca.com (in hopes of finding someone to talk to with regards to the social climate in madrid), but all to no avail. while there are gay-positive places in buffalo, that's not where i live. i'm a suburbian, and the level of acceptance decreases with every step towards suburbia. i'm wondering if that will be the situation in madrid as well.

i have received my housing assignment and i know that my home is near the Metro stop Iglesia, which i guess is near the Trafalgar section of madrid (judging from my little map guide). can anyone tell me anything about the area?

i also wonder how i will broach the subject (or if i should not broach it at all). i have a feeling my senora will ask me if i have a boyfriend or something, because when i first meet people it tends to be an ice-breaking topic or something.

i have spoken with a teacher of mine who warned me about making male friends because they may expect something if they treat me, for example, to dinner or something along those lines. even if i were straight or single i would feel awkward. one can imagine how much more awkward i would feel being happily attached and lesbian. i want to able to make male friends but not have to worry about leading them on somehow. i also want to be able to assert my self-respect without damaging the relationships i am trying to make with my family members and friends.

while i don't have any problem coming out to my american exchange students, i don't know how to feel about coming out to my spanish family and friends. i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that i don't know very many spaniards, and i have no idea what a common reaction would be. my only closer madrilena friend is gay as well. can anyone offer me some advice, if you've been in my shoes?

any reply would be appreciated. i've already been working on the vegetarian aspect, but i haven;t any clue on the queer aspect.

happy (early) new year to everyone here!! i hope you enjoy the wonderful holiday!!

-amy

Hi,
I don't think you will have problems with most of young people, but maybe old people... My advice is not to say to the señora because that might make her feel uncomfortable, I really don't know. You don't need to have male friends, many Spanish girls go out only with girls. When I was there I usually went to the discos with one or 2 female friends and nobody thought I was lesbian. I would like to tell you that Spain is gay friendly but honestly I don't know if that is true. I guess that you will find people who doesn't care and people who would hate the idea. And anyway you don't have to tell if you don't want to, if the señora ask you if you have a boyfriend say no (which is the truth) and if you don't want to explain why you don't need to.
I hope you have fun!
Nuria

Hey Eight Earrings,

I wish I could be of more help, but I know that somewhere on this site this question has been raised before. There is a gay/alternative district in Madrid named Chueca, but if I remember correctly, some people hated it, some people thought it "too gay" (whatever that means), and some wouldn't have suggested it to their gay or straight friends.

There is however, a really large alternative scene in Madrid (not as big as Barcelona, but a good size considering) and even a lesbian/gay issues paper. I know this from looking it up in a guidebook to Spain. This one is called: Time Out Madrid Guide.

There is a Centro de la Mujer which operates several lesbian groups. One of its groups meets M-F from 4-8 pm and it is called Colectivo de Feministas Lesbianas de Madrid. Get out!

Now if they just had a group called Colectivo de Feministas Negras de Madrid. Just kidding (thank you, thank you, I'll be here all zee week).

There is also, believe it or not, a lesbian information line at 91 319 16 90,(you'd think being a lesbian is much like being Batman), which gives information on and about everything having to do with the lesbian community in Madrid.

And write down the names of these gay friendly cafes/bars:

Blanco Y Negro, Cruising, Eagle, Cafe Acuarela, Goa After Hours, Heaven, LL Bar,
Cafe Figueroa, Cafe La Troje, La Lupe,
Ciberespacio, Gula Gula Madrid, El Mujito
Sarrasin,La Sastreria, New Leather Bar,
Star's Cafe,XXX Cafe, Priscilla, Refugio,
Rick's, Rommels, Troyans (sounds suspiciously familiar--he,he), Why not?, Strong Center, Tabata, Topxi, Medea, Truco, Escape, Ambient, Urania's, La Rosa, and El Barberillo de Lavapies.

There is a gay/lesbian bookshop: Berkana, and a many gay friendly shops in and around Chueca.

This is all the info I have. I hope this helps and I hope you have a great time and don't worry about telling people or not telling people. People will ask, tell or not tell what you want. But most of all, like everyone keeps wisely saying to me, be yourself.

hey sheba, you're fabulous. let me say it again. FABULOUS. thank you very much for the information and for all the places listed... i am now 5 days away and am growing a tiny bit more nervous with each passing day.... thanks for your help.

amy s.

I think Nuria's advice is very sound no matter what country your in ... sometimes the age of the person you are dealing with as well as their exposure, or lack thereof, to more experiences in life is what determines the attitudes epressed. Go to Spain, enjoy it and don't worry!

Hi Amy.

Please keep us posted on how you're doing in Madrid! I love to hear of others' experiences.

I don't have much advice on being gay/lesbian in Madrid, but I'm writing about the senora asking you questions. She asked me if I had a boyfriend back home in the USA, since all the others in our house did, and I said no, which was the truth. She then just said, "That's fine, you have plenty of time for that later." And left it alone!

She asked the boys in our house also, and some girls who came to visit once. I think it was just curiosity, because she wasn't trying to give advice or anything.

Then I had other friends who said their senoras were a bit more nosy, like if they stayed out late, they'd wonder where they'd been, etc.

I think the Spanish (at least the ones I met) are a bit more open about telling you what they think and giving "advice" than we are. That was a bit hard for me at first, seeing that I had been living alone for a little while before moving into a group house in Spain.

But you just let it all go in one ear and out of another! (like the lecture i got on bringing too many clothes.)

I guess my point is that most of them don't get too hung up on who you are or aren't dating. And if they ask, it's like them asking why I put so much gel in my hair or eat so little food, etc.

Yes, I did get those exact questions!

Bunny

No problem eight earrings. Have a good time and please let us know what you discovered. We could always use good experiences shared with joy and bad ones with zeal. Ahh...I'm so jealous.

thanks for the advice, everyone. only 3 days left!! i'm excited!! (and exhausted). i can't fall asleep, because i'm too excited... let's hope i get some rest before i get all that jet lag! hope you are all having a very nice beginning to your weekend.
-amy

hey there,

i am sure you will be fine in a massive place like madrid, just like any other large city.
i spent about 3 months in Barcelona, and that certainly was gay friendly, probably one of the gay capitals of the mediterranean.

unfortunately i have never been to madrid, but i am sure it will be mostly the same with the younger people. but spain is a very catholic country, so it won't be like Amsterdam or Stockholm in terms of ease of acceptance.

i am sure you will have a great time there though. in a huge metropolis you can do your own thing and no one cares or notices!!

have fun (I AM JEALOUS!)
brian

HeLLo all...

While I was living in Madrid and teaching, I met this English bloak who had come from London SPECIFICALLY for the reputation of the gay discos in Madrid. I had not realised this at all until he told me that if you're gay you haven't truly lived until you've gone to (come to) Madrid. Now, I don't know whether this is strictly advise for men or for women as well, but nonetheless, it sounded like he was pretty deep into the "gay" community (whatever that means!). Any how, my advise to you is to be a bit fearless and try meeting people at clubs or discos (Joy Eslava, for one) and then go from there. Good Luck enjoying Madrid!

TRACY

Hi Eight...

I am a GWM from Cincinnati, coming to Spain to study the language and the culinary scene. I am arriving in Madrid on Feb 5 and will probably stay a few days before heading to a warmer, yet to be determined spot in the south. I would love to pick your brains, if you would like to have dinner one night. I am staying in Spain for 6 weeks, then heading north towards London eventually. Feel free to respond here or e mail me at KSchad5814@aol.com Mucho Gracias, Seniorita!

I'm headed for Madrid for the last week of May and first week of June. By pure coincidence will be staying right near Chueca...

Anyone else planning to be in town then? Always interested in meeting up for a lunch or dinner...

------------------

alas, arthur i won´t be able to meet up with you!! i am planning on leaving this little spanish paradise the middle of may... but i hope you have a really fun time here! chueca is cool and there are lots and lots of clubs to choose from and stuff... however i can´t really tell you that much about the boy clubs here because... well... i´m a girl. i have been to sacha´s (girl crowd, but some boy couples), 69 (super crowded but still lots of fun), escape (guys and girls)... have also been to truco, a more lesbian bar. i know i´ve been to others as well, but... let´s see how i can say this is the most "culta" manner. i may have been slightly drunk while i was on my way to other clubs, so i can´t remember what they were! one really good thing to do when you get here is check out the librería berkana which is on calle gravina. don´t remember the address, but if you ask someone where it is, i´m sure they can help you out. it´s right near the metro station in chueca. it´s a queer bookstore with lots of free stuff as far as information on the "scene" in madrid, and i´m sure you can ask anyone in their ab-fab staff for advice if you need it. also a good place to check out is COGAM, which is on calle fuencarral, and you can get to it a little better by getting off at metro Gran Via and then taking the fuencarral salida. if you go down fuencarral, maybe 5 minutes or so, you will see on your left-hand side a sign for COGAM. they have a little coffee shop / bar area downstairs and then upstairs they have their administration section, which definitely helped me out. they keyed me into all the different gay stuff there is in madrid, and gave me this super-cool map of "gay madrid" which lists gay and lesbian-owned businesses and stuff... it´s nice to buy from "family", you know? anyhow, good luck with your travels and i hope you have a blast in chueca. while sometimes it can be rather difficult to be gay in madrid (and i think so more for the fellows than for the ladies), you can also meet a lot of neat people and have a great time partying. write more if you need anything.

-amy (who is having a wonderful time here in madrid, as tomorrow marks her sixth week here). honestly, everybody, this has been the best decision i ever made. i am learning so much and having an amazing time, seeing lots of fun places and feeling everyday more and more a member of my host family. although my girlfriend and i both wish she could win the lottery and visit me here...

Hey there, I am glad to hear you are having a great time in Madrid!! Since i enouraged you to go... that's a good thing. Tell us more about the host family, about your language learning adventures, etc. And of course keep those wild night stories coming, too!!! Airfares are really cheap to Madrid in march, so encourage your g/f to hop on a plane....

tu profesora

hey eight,

I'm still jealous It's good to hear that you're having a good time though and that everything worked out. Hope you have much to report when you get back.

-sheba

Gosh! More things to worry bout.
Cantabene