I knew this one was going to get me in trouble...
As Martin said, the word "friendly" doesn't quite do it. Also Nuria, in no way do I mean to say that I don't think Spaniards are not nice people. I love Spanish people and many things Spanish!! I better think about this one more so I can figure out what I really want to say.
Jen

After thinking for a moment, I think I just meant to say that they are not friendly in the typically American back-slapping, how ya doin' type of friendliness. This is neither good nor bad, just different. And, unlike that person last month who did not appreciate the fact that it was different, I happen to love the differences. Does anyone know what I mean?

[This message has been edited by Jen (edited 08-22-2000).]

Yeah, Jen, I know what you mean. A Spaniard won't go running up to you, blurt out a life story, give you tons of advice about what to do, ask you millions of personal questions. (One of the first: So, what does your husband do? Boy, did that bug me to no end!) I'm afraid I often sound like I'm dumping on Americans (and I am one), and I don't mean to, because Americans really are very nice, friendly, and helpful. Spaniards are also very friendly, but in a different way. They are more relaxed and respectful of your space and your privacy. Once they know you they will always help you and be trustworthy. I like that kind of friendliness because I know what I can expect. The US is so incredibly diverse in so many ways, and that's wonderful, but can also be somewhat unnerving. You know what to expect in Spain, probably because the people all have the same background, more or less. I guess Spaniards can be less exuberant than some Americans. I'm OK with that. I hope I'm making sense!

You make perfect sense! Espanyoles respect privacy more. They don't ask personal questions. I swear, in the U.S, the office staff who just meets you will be asking you very intimate questions in 2 days! Spanish women (of the university age) are also more reserved and don't automatically approach americanas to be friends. You have to get to know a group of people before they will warm up. I, too, like this style better. And with my Spanish graduate students, I appreciate their frankness AND respect for privacy, if you know what I mean. They are both MORE serious and have a BETTER sense of humor than most gringas. I have to say that the personality type i do NOT like is the smart assed young people who act rude. But that holds in ANY country!

Hello Jen and group! (bet you didn't know what you started when you started it, did you? hehehe...) Jen, you're only making personal observations and rarely do two people perceive things the same from their two different vantage points.

So, MY FIRST perceptions of Spaniards in Spain was that they were always walking too slowly and never seemingly in a hurry to get anywhere (so, they must not have anywhere to go, right?). They all have a scowl on their faces. They stare (hehee) until it seems their eyes will fall out of their sockets. They're not at all friendly.

MY SECOND perceptions after spending some time with Spaniards were that they walk slowly because they're enjoying their walk with their friends/family. They don't have that permanent false smile on their face all the time (like many of us "Americans"). They stare....hehehehe... UNTIL you get to know them. They're the MOST friendly and warm people AFTER you get to know them AND THEN they treat you like part of the family.

MY THIRD impressions were that all that kissing is not because they're passionate people (because THEY ARE!!), but because they're showing their respect for you. After getting to know some men they don't hesitate to give you hugs.

BEFORE I knew any latinos (during the first 24 years of my life) I was your typical "American" that walked around with that always pleasant smile and was happy to give someone a firm handshake. AFTER knowing MANY latinos I have opened up, HAPPY to give/receive double-cheek-kisses with the women, and have NO problem giving men hugs. It's only then that you know that these men (okay, not ALL Spanish men are like this) really care for you in a family/friendship way. And knowing that these Spaniards have welcomed you into their "family" or circle of friends is something truly phenomenal, it's then that you know you have really gained their trust, they're your friends for life (in many cases), and they're likely NEVER to scowl or stare at you ever again.

I read or heard someone sometime say that you are NEVER invited to a Spaniard's home or meet his/her family until you have fully gained their trust and this is difficult to do. I don't know if this is true or not, but have seen total strangers greet me like a long-lost friend if I was introduced to them by a good friend of their's.

So sure. Imagine walking through a crowd of Spaniards or into a Spanish department store and people ignore you, stare at you, or treat your bruskly. I've said this a million times, most often to high school Spanish students who are about to travel to Spain for the first time; Spaniards are not friendly or unfriendly. They're not more or less civilized than you. They're not more or less superior to you. They're not better or worse than you. Spaniards are people JUST LIKE YOU in many ways and very different in many others. So let's appreciate the differences and not be quick to label those differences as right or wrong, good or bad.

Words of "wisdom" by some guy with only 7-years experience with Spaniards and thinks/HOPES(!) he knows what he's talking about, MadridMan

[This message has been edited by MadridMan (edited 08-22-2000).]

I know what Jen is talking about. When I spent a semester in Sevilla, I had ten Spanish roommates and I felt like I never got to know any of them, save one, very well (who coincidentally, was from the Canaries). I thought they were quite reserved.

MM, good points! You obviously have endeared yourself to muchos espanyoles, and have been accepted by family as family. If the suegra gives you consejos, you know you are doing ok!! anyway, since young people tend to make and keep friends forever, it is sometimes hard, as Jen and others say, to get close to roomates, classmates, etc. But if you think about it, the same is true in the US. Under the smiles and gringo-openness is often, among roomates etc, rivalries, hostilities, the usual. Americans just jump right in and ENGAGE: espanyoles mark a certain distance. I like getting to know the esnayoles over the years, making friends that way.

Hey all-
Just to set the record straight-
I too, have made life-long, very close Spanish friends. We love and admire each other dearly. I was not saying that such differences were positive or negative; I was just discussing the differences. Of course what I say will be from my perspective, which is also multi-faceted. Certainly, when people comment on such issues, they will be generalizations. I find this kind of banter educational, entertaining and fascinating, don't you? BTW, rgf, I completely related to what you said about the university aged women. Most of my good friends (in Spain) were/are males and I subsequently became close to their girlfriends(now wives!) , sisters...
Enjoy-

[This message has been edited by Jen (edited 08-24-2000).]

ok ive read most of these replies and agreed with most of what has been said, but had a spooky shudder when reading miss madrids reply...because i also went to spain for a month on my own and it saved my sanity...which is very poiniant for me and is probably why i love the place so much....all i will add to this discussion is the analogy of the spanish culture that i examined......

as a sharp contrast to my conservative english nature i reacted so positively to what i deemed as a 'rawness' within the souls of the spanish. life is more raw, and more passionate. sex exists in the gaze of men and women on the streets; children witness the death of bulls in the ring; the sevillanas is sung to the audiencs with a directness of spirit never achieved in our over produced dance tracks; and the whole nature of living there takes on a raw, emotionally charged aura....thats what did it for me...he he