Buy yourself a 2 pound octopus. When you get it home, start boiling 1 1/2 gallons of heavily salted water(1T per gal) in the largest pot you have. Add 6 or 8 bay leaves. Some people add the cork from a wine bottle, but I think it's only superstition.
In the meantime, rinse the octopus and check on the bottom for the beak. Remove it if necessary. Throw it in the sink 5 times
HARD! to tenderize it. When the water boils, dip the it three times in the water, waiting a few seconds in between, then leave it. Finally, turn down the heat a bit and simmer it for 45 minutes, flipping it from time to time. Then, using a scissors, start checking pieces for tenderness. When you feel it is done, remove it, (it may take up to an hour) let it cool so you can handle it and cut it into bite size pieces with the scissors.
Serve it with plain steamed potatoes, pimenton, olive oil and coarse sea salt.
The easiest way to steam potatoes is to peel and cut them into 2" chunks and place in a microwave dish. Add about 1" of water and microwave on high for 8-10 minutes. If they aren't quite done, let 'em sit a few minutes.
I like a pressure cooker because it takes about half the time and is the best for tenderizing.
It only took me 2 years of cooking school and many visits to Spain to learn this
.
You lucky devil! 
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