I have read your latest entry in your blog about los Santos Inocentes and...honestly, I cannot understand why are you so obsessed with becoming "Spanish". Try to be YOURSELF, and that's all. Some parts of you will be more Spanish and some others won't. And take the good things of Spain ,not the bad, dark things related to what we call" the black Spain", or the "deep Spain", like, for example, the tradition of Santos Inocentes.It will do you good. You may know by now that Spain has a veeery dark side, specially when talking about politics, that you very thoughtfully hve banned in this forum.
by the way, the barber probably caught tour obsession with becoming more Spanish and that's why he made you an "inocentada"( a tradition, by tha way, which it is slightly waning and it is limited to little kids )He just wanted to show you that you don,t need to become COMPLETELY SPANISH. THAT WILL BE GOOD FOR YOU.

Hehehe... it's less of an obsession than you might think. If I TRULY became Spanish INSIDE my websites would lose their uniqueness, their voice.

When I told the barber that I was "almost Spanish" he knew I was just kidding. But I am dedicated to my assimilation here and understanding of Spain and the Spanish people and how they think, how they feel, and what makes them react. And the more I know the less I will appear as an oddity, something strange in a strange land. I don't feel the need to look, dress, talk, and think like Spaniards. No. I am an individual, yes, and I'm quite happy with myself the way I am as a person, with my opinions, with my feelings about the world. This won't change. But it's important to also know how the people live in the land you choose in which to live and adopt certain customs in order to be part of any community.

I'll always be a foreigner. That'll never change. In some ways it makes me feel good, unique, different. In other ways I feel I'm on display at the zoo.

By the way, you can also add your comments to the COMMENTS to that individual posting if you like.

Saludos, MadridMan

OK...that´s good, but remember, be careful with the "black Spain", this country is everything but a paradise, it is better to live it from the perspective of a pemanent tourist, "ver los toros desde la barrera".

By the way, that is not a private posting between you and me. I'M VERY COURIOUS TO KNOW OTHER POSTER'S OPINIONS ABOUT THIS QUESTION!!!

I think I can relate to what MadridMan is saying, as an American who lived in Spain for many years, believing I'd be staying there the rest of my life.

Being a permanent tourist is rather sad, I think. You'd always be on the outside, looking in, and never really seeing the whole picture. I think it's better to try to experience it all. Once you've committed yourself to living in a country, you want to really be part of it, and that includes understanding what is done and why it's done. If it works for you, you can adopt the traditions and the ways of doing things. If it's not a good fit, you can choose to do things the way you always have (well, in "free" countries like Spain, at least). In some respects, being an expat gives you freedoms to pick and choose the best of the two cultures, and you always have that wonderful excuse - you're a foreigner! When living in Spain I sometimes chose to do things that Spanish women wouldn't be caught dead doing, and I got away with it because I was a foreigner, "they do things differently," and no one minded. In some cases, I'm sure I provided some great entertainment!

When you move to a new country as an adult, it's very difficult to lose your foreign-ness, and the older you are, and the later in life you learned the language, the more foreign you will remain. And if you don't look Spanish (for example, you're too tall and too fair, which is my case) it's a given that you'll never be considered Spanish. But that's OK. I find Spaniards to be very open, accepting, forgiving of differences, interested in learning about other places. They are happy to befriend foreigners, and they make very good friends.

I would love to move back to Spain because Spain feels like home to me - I lived there so long I put down serious roots. There's a good chance I will go back eventually. But I would go back knowing that I would also take back the label "foreigner" no matter how well I speak Spanish, understand how and why things in Spain are done the way they are done - including the "black Spain" stuff, and how comfortable I am living there. And that's OK. No country is perfect - each one has its negatives, its "black" areas, and I think if you are going to live in a new country you should also know about its bad points, and deal with them on a personal level. And in the process, you become "more Spanish," but in your own, unique still-always-a-foreigner way.

Very wise, thoughtful answer, Diana. The problem is that the foreigners living In Spain, if they treat with Spaniards, they treat with the most cosmopolitan and with higher cultural level Spaniards, that's why they don't see the "black Spain".

very good subject, as i live in 4 different countries and citizen of all 4, including Spain,and the US for example, I can tell you , you always will be different, but you always will try to fit in, no matter what cultural level you may have.
I live in France now, French, but my roots are Cuban/Spanish/American,too. I am always an expat, foreigner here even thus I am a citizen speak the language perfectly and do many things as French.
When I visit Spain, every year for upteems times; I go in as Spanish, but I am always a foreigner, seems different, I adopt the ways of the country but always feel different, you always have some ideas from the other side you like to have back where you are front,you call them differences, but its just you as an individual.

The best advise is to just remember who you are, and where from, and then try to adjust to the new country best you can. Everybody eventually will accept you as who you are. Not where you are coming from.