So I am going to Spain in January to have a formal dinner with my 38 year old boyfriend's parents. This will be my first time meeting them. I am a little nervous. His parents are older than mine, seem more conservative and traditional. Can anyone offer me advice on how to make the best impression. Oh, and p.s., they don't speak any english and my spanish conversational at best.

If your Spanish is "conversational at best" you should be fine. I doubt it'll stray far from that, mainly small talk about you, your family, your job, and these kinds of things.

And how do you define a "formal dinner"? Is that at their house or at a restaurant? If at home, be sure to offer to help cook, setup, and cleanup. Might sound a little "old fashioned" but it would certainly help your image. No doubt they have some preconceived notions about United Statesens so try to be helpful without being forward. If his parents are older and traditional you can be almost certain it's the mother of the house who cooks/cleans so you, being a woman too (aren't you? "not that there's anything wrong with that") it'll show the mother that you'll take good care of their son if you were to ever get married. Be friendly without being TOO "grin-ny" Show them you have a serious, thoughtful side too (I'm sure you do).

Oh, and by the way, I understand it's considered RUDE (or just strange) in Spain to put the non-eating hand on your lap, under the table as is our custom in the USA. Oh, and don't raise your hands/arms above your head either.

Will you give us an update after-the-fact here in this/your thread? I'm curious already how it'll turn out.

Saludos, MadridMan

Just be yourdelf, I'm sure you're already quite well-mannered and polite. Don't worry overmuch, I went to meet my boyfirneds parents, and they were just lovely. I couldn't get over how easy it was to get on with them, but my Spanish is a bit better than conversational, just remember the 3rd person form to be polite!! (Usted, not Tu)

That's completely true. I was actually very surprised when I saw for the first time that it was the etiquette in the States. When eating meat, the common rule in Spain (and in all Europe if I'm not wrong) is to grab the fork with your left hand, the knife with your right one, cut the meat, and directly use the fork with the left hand to put the piece into your mouth, rather than leaving the knife, changing the fork to the right hand and putting the left one on the lap, as it is done in the US.

Also way more efficient, Torrales

Europeans - southern Europeans at least, also tend to be far more enthusiastic as to their gestures when speaking - hands tell the story along wiht the verbal aspect. Wonder if this innate "speaking with the hands" has anything to do with resulting table manners and mores?

And one tried but true suggestion is to not speak with food in your mouth....it might cause a choking emergency,not that you'd forget of course..... ..
A question came to mind...In Spain when meeting the parents, Do men still ask for the woman's hand in marriage? It's like asking the father permission to enter the family and marry his daughter....or if not, what about a serious relationship like a Noviasco? I apologize if I wrote the word in Spanish... I don't know the wording in English.

Hi llewelli, I'm a yanqui (in DC, too, incidentally) and my wife is madrileña. Her parents speak no English, and at the time I first met them (a few years ago) my Spanish was 10th grade level, at best (it's a bit better now). My advice would be 1) to be yourself (like another poster said) and 2) try to speak to them in Spanish (even if you feel goofy doing it!) -- they'll appreciate the effort.

Ninas, a friend-of-a-friend of mine, the American novio (no, not me), learned the hard way that they don't do that in Spain (at least, not in his novia's family).

He called her parents to ask her for her hand, and then the first thing her mother did when they hung up was to call her daughter here in the States to tell her that her boyfriend just called saying he wants to marry her (Doh!!).

Formal meetings are always tricky in any culture, specially if this culture is alien to you

Ok, let me list some basic rules in Spain:

Salutations

The formal way of saluting someone in Spain is to offer you hand for shake, no matter you are saluting a woman or a man. The casual way is to kiss him/her in both of his/her cheeks. In this case I would suggest the formal way (in the doubt it is better to be more formal, you can always switch to the casual way if needed without embarrasing situations). Just offer your hand and say "encantado" (please to meet you) or "encantada" (if you are a woman).

It would be a good idea to thank your host for the invitation. Something like "muchas gracias por la invitación" would be ok.

Chattering

Specially at first if you haven't met your hosts before, it is normal to talk about anything in particular. Weather, your trip to Spain, spanish food, the place you were born,... There are always questions that will arise at some moment (fortunately they are easy to answer ):

"Oh, are you enjoying your trip to Spain?"
"Do you like spanish food?"
"What do you like the most about Spain?"
...

Spaniards are proud of their country (much more in front of a foreigner) but fortunately are very easy to content Just answer with a forced smile and the most emphatic of your voice tones: "Oooohhhh yes, I love the food, I love the weather, the people and this God's blessed country!!!"

Easy way to keep them happy hehehe.

Dinner customs

Wait to be seated. A formal dinner will consist of some appetizers, two courses, a dessert and coffee If you feel you aren't able to eat everything ask to be served just a little bit "un poquito". You will be served more than you want hehehe, but less than you were going to be served (ask your boyfriend for help on this matter).

Even if you don't like the food eat part of it. It doesn't matter if you leave some food in the plate, you can excuse yourself saying that it is much more food quantity of what you are used to. But taste it and say that it is good (if you didn't like it) or that is wonderful and excellent (if you liked it ).

Avoid making noises with the food (as with the soup). Your hands on the table at any moment. Don't speak with your mouth plenty of food. Prepared to be interrupted at any time if you are speaking (normal conversations are usually louder than in anglesaxon countries). Eat with your mouth closed.

You will find a napkin on the table. It is expected for you to take it just after sitting down and placing it on you thighs.

When you are done with one course, place the knife and the fork together on the plate.

Do never place your elbows on the table unless you are talking (never while eating).

Remember that if you are served bread, it is the one on your left which is yours. The glass of water and/or wine is on your right.

Start using the forks, knifes and spoon from outside to inside.

And of course, after the dinner don't forget to say how wonderful the food was and how incredible the cooker's skills are No matter how awful the food was hehehe.

Are these rules similar in other countries? Or are them rare for you? I'm very curious...

Fernando

Pretty much the same here in the US, except for putting your hand in your lap if not using to eat. It also depends on what "blank"-American culture kind of dinner you're at. For example, my family is a mixture of Asian-American and African-American. Depending on what generation of American will also depend on what is considered "polite". One huge example: In my Asian-American family, it is very normal to slurp your soup and/or pick up the bowl off the table and slurp the soup into your mouth, if necessary. It is also very normal for a member of the family to continuously fill your plate or bowl while you eat. It is a sign of affection and not always a female subservient thing. It was amazing for me to see the tiny cultural differences and sometimes the shock I saw on my peers face when I would do something like this...when it was absolutely normal to me!

Fernando, not even Martha Stewart could have done a better job at detailing the proper way to eat! Excellente!

Carmen
p.d. It is also considered rude to pick your teeth at the dinner table and to spit on the floor.