Thanks again for the advice. Right now if I went to Spain, my plan would be to take six months to study Spanish, perhaps get CELTA certified, and volunteer. I would have to obtain a student visa for those 6 months and that is how I would stay in the country. I know I can't make any decision about Spain until I speak the language because it's hard to live anywhere, even in paradise, if you don't understand what people are saying. I think studying and volunteering would enable me to meet people and build some sort of support network or small group of friends. I wouldn't make any long term decision until after doing that. So I'm not so much worried about the relationship issues as I am the cultural adaptation issues. And I always like to hear others stories about adapting to other cultures. Because even if you love a place, there are also things that bother you about it. Thanks for the info! Oh and I wanted to add that I think it's a good point you made re: the fact that we face hard choices in life and relationships wherever we choose to live. Very very true.

Well I gave up my good job, sold my house, left my country to move to Spain for my relation, but took my cat :-). I don't speak Spanish and still learning, don't have a job ore a penny, but I haven't been sorrie for a second. Not everything in live is about welth, money and standards I discovered. Yes it can go wrong but I also can be hit by a car and die tomorow. I learned a whole new part of life and I'm very happy with that.

Hi llewilli and Chica!

I am sorry that I am getting to this post a little late!

I am in the DC area, we should get together and have a Spain ex-pat night...(we're actually planning a paella party for the first week in June, so please write me an email).

Anyways, my boyfriend does have Spain on the brain. He has lived out here in the US/DC area now for almost 8 years and he is ready to go home to Spain. He has a place already in Madrid...we would both rather live in Barcelona or Vallencia, but for now, Madrid would be the place to go to get our feet wet.

We are talking about moving to Spain. I think he is more serious about moving back than I am. He knows that he'll be able to find a job and he will probably get a reduction in salary, but we've decided that the quality of life is worth the pay cut.

As for me, I know that it will probably take a while to find a job and get residency to actually work. I am thinking of taking some classes to brush up on my Spanish (I studied Spanish in the US and studied at the University of Barcelona for a year) while I wait.

We are both aware of the fact that he would be the only bread winner in the family for awhile if and when we move there. I have student loans to worry about, but the minimum payment is miniscul.

I also think if we were to have children, I would rather raise them in Spain than here in the US because of the way I see his parents interact with him and how his siblings interact with their children. The culture of life is so very different over there then my experience over here.

Despite being Asian and having had problems in Spain when I was there in 1999-2000, I think that Chica is right where it depends on how strong the relationship is.

I think I would be sad in leaving my friends and family in the US, but I hope we make enough money where I would be able to go back to the US at least once or twice a year....

I guess the worst case senario is that I move back to the US and hopefully our relationship would survive that. But I am hoping that I will eventually get use to it...

This is my update....Feel free to email me! Check out my profile!

Hi llewilli!

I got your message in my email but I'm unable to write back to you since you have your email hidden. So please write back to me with your email. I would love to met up with you and chat some more!

Ingarrison wrote: I imagine the email you received was an email notification of a Private Message. Wasn't there some text at the bottom of your email which stated this? It probably said something like "Do not reply to this message. Instead, go to your Private Message Box to reply".

So, if you go to your Private Message INbox (click on your "My Profile" link to find it), click llewilli's Private Message to read it (again), and then you can reply with a Private Message.

Saludos, MadridMan

sorry MadridMan, she is not accepting private messages either. I've already tried that.

Woops, I didn't mean to not accept private messages. I'll try to change that. Okay I will send a private message with my email!

Wow, this topic is so interesting and I hear people saying things that I have often thought. I too will be in the same situation in not too long, but I feel lucky that my Spanish fiance is as torn as I am. We both went to school here in the US and now live and work here. We are getting married next summer in Madrid and will probably move to Spain for a few years so he can get his MBA: I echo the words that living in Spain is completely different than studying in or visiting Spain. I think so many people study in Spain and enjoy themselves with other Americans, and so many times equate that with loving the country. I did that too, but now that I am marrying a spaniard and have spent extended time with his family, I know that life there is not as easy, nor as great as it was when I studied in Spain. Yes, the culture is different and spaniards can be rude like the rest of the world. One thing that I have noticed is how difficult it is to infiltrate a group of friends in Spain. Even though I speak a decent level of Spanish, when I am with a group of friends in Spain, most often I am ignored or forgotten because the conversation rarely involves me. Many people expect that spaniards will be so interested in your life as an American, but in reality they really don´t care too much and will not make much of an effort to find out about you or your life. I am not saying that Spanish people are wrong for this, I am just saying that the move it is not going to be as easy as you might think. For me, I too often worry about my ability to make friends when I move to Spain, and I do see that to be a challenge. But overall I think the social and family-oriented culture is what really makes Spain so wonderful. Anyway, I am not sure how much sense I am making here, I just stumbled upon this post and wanted to add a few of my thoughts. Good luck in all of your decisions´!

Congratulations Escarabjito! I hope you have a beautiful wedding!

When I lived in Spain, I did my best to have only Spanish friends and still talk to them today. I know it was difficult to make Spanish friends because the Spanish community is very tight.

If I move to Spain, I feel that my significant other's family would embrace me. They were very warm everytime I have meet them. My SO calls his family every weekend and I am lucky that they are interested in talking to me as well. I am lucky to have a SO from a very opened minded family where most of his relatives have lived and worked abroad so they try to be sensitive to the different cultures.

Occasionally they will say something that is not PC about Americans or Asians or Asian Americans, but I definitely correct them and they don't mind the criticisms! I know ther might be an issue of fitting in.

As per my conversation w/ another Madridman memeber, I think the questions to ask oneself before moving is:
1) Is is financially possible? Is there student loans, credit cards, etc...that need to be paid off?
2) Can you find a job, will you be able to pay off these debts with or without your significant other? Is she or he willing to participate in your financial matters?
3) How close are you to your friends and family in the US? Are you ok w/ seeing them only once or twice a year? Would the distance be a huge issue in your life?
4) How much of your independence can you give up? Are you willing to do this in this time of your life? If and when I ever move, I know that for the majority of the time, at least in the beginning, I will be totally dependent on my SO.
5) How emotionally strong is your relationship? How emotionally supportive is your significant other?

I am sure I have other questions to ask myself before I make the finaly decision to go but these were the major questions we were discussing and could be food for thought for those who are about to make a permanent move.

The other questions I would ask before moving is:

Do I really love my signifcant other for her/himself or am I in love with just the sterotype of the Spanish culture?

Do I expect my SO to behave a certain way because s/he is Spanish? If my SO was American, would I still love his/her behavior and who they were?

Granted, being Spanish, like being American...permeates the the very soul, but personalities in all cultures have very similar nuances.

We can either find the bad habits of a person endearing or annoying in any culture.