Martha Stewart vs Real Women!

MARTHA STEWART
"If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant fix-me-up."

REAL WOMEN
If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."


MARTHA STEWART
"Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away."

REAL WOMEN
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?


MARTHA STEWART
"Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips."

REAL WOMEN
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.


MARTHA STEWART
"To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes."

REAL WOMEN
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.


MARTHA STEWART
"When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake."

REAL WOMEN
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.


MARTHA STEWART
"Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish."

REAL WOMEN
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.


MARTHA STEWART
"If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy. "

REAL WOMEN
Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.


And finally the most important tip -


MARTHA STEWART
"Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces."

REAL WOMEN
Leftover wine??

MARTHA STEWART

I love it! Especially the tequila comment. It reminds me of when my first son was a very colicky, crabby little tyke. My doctor told me to mix up some lemon, honey and whiskey and to sip it regularly during the day while I was nursing him. He said it wouldn't do anything much for my son, but the crying would bother me a lot less!

I know these are too good to pass up! I particularly like the ice cream cone one!

those are fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got such a good laugh. Martha is way to extreme for me. And why was there nothing about calling in for pizza?

Thanks Booklady, for making me feel proud to be a real woman!

Those are awesome! :p

Hey Martha...you have any tips on how to keep a Man?! BTW, a new hairdo would help.

Oh, no! Martha Stewart.

Her next great work will be; "How to make a seven course meal on a bunson burner while in jail."

I can picture it now, as the announcer comes on the air.....

"Direct from Danamora prison... it's the Martha Stewart show with a cast of thousands of innocent victims...

"Today's guest will be Mildred Stickemall, who's doing life for serving her husband as the main course for Thanksgiving dinner back in 1991.

"As a special guest, the head cook from Danamora, Silvia Servescrap will be showing how one pound of ground beef can be used to serve thousands, to insure the kick back on the food budget will be enough to pay for a Rolls-Royce in less than a month."

"Hi everyone! Martha here! For the next several months we'll be coming to you live from the kitchen, assuming I'm not locked in solitary confinement, or re-assigned to duties in the library, where there isn't one damned cook book of mine in the mix.

"My friend, and companion in here, Big Bertha Buttstomp has asked that I send a message to an old friend of hers, Police Lieutenant Edwina Trask. She wants Ms. Trask to know she'll be getting out in less than three months, and plans on stopping by for a 'social visit,' as soon as possible.

"Now on to our first guest. Mildred? Please! Tell us how you were able to stuff your husband into the oven? Didn't his legs get in the way?"

Wolf (Just thinking about the possibilities for Martha's future - )

I just looove those two last "ideas" specially!
It's too bad my closest neighbor is such a 'loca' (if you know what I mean )

Wolfr beat me to it!
Martha: If you find yourself short at the month end a little insider dealing will soon cure that.

Real women: A little insider dealing then GO directly to jail!

That was great, Wolf. Will Martha be the first Billionaire woman in jail?

BTW, I have heard that she will be assigned to the prison laundry, where she will starch and iron all the pillowcases!

Poor Martha!

All of you BEASTS just LOVE to PUT HER DOWN, KICK HER WHILE SHE IS DOWN AND OUT! She is, after all, innocent until proven guilty. Besides, this country was built on insider trading!

But seriously, this is major wrongdoing, not just a little soy filler in the hamburger, and the rich and famous seem to get slapped on the wrist rather than do hard time like you or I would were we in the same place. If she did do this, she should be sent somewhere where she is the prettiest girl on the cell block, and for a long time. She could publish a new magizine "Martha Stewart Cellblock Living. . ."

Wolf, this one is for you!

Here at MadridMan we posters are always ahead of the news! Martha Stewart has been indicted today. The indictment charges Martha with securities fraud, conspiracy, obstruction of justice and making false statements.
They're seeking to give Martha 30 years.

My Goodness!!!! I'll bet she wishes she hadn't used that corked bat or she wouldn't be in this mess.

Yes, but MM, you must admit that Martha's corking the bats was a very "Good Thing," she recycled all those corks from her Rioja! :p
She's SOSA neat Gal!

Word on the street has it that Martha is learning to "rap" with the best of them. Apparently her prison show will include a few "hits" from cell block B, and feature solos by the gals on death row.

My guess is she ends up being fined a big chunk of change, gets 1 year and 1 day in a federal "resort" prison, where tennis and gourmet cooking are in style. She's a first time law breaker, so it won't be nearly as harsh as the repercussions she faces in the real world where her multi-million dollar empire won't be making enough money to support her staying a "human corporation."

Thanks for the front page of her new mag Bookie! My wife and I got a real chuckle out of it. We're looking forward to her new line of clothes in prison blue denim hitting the shelves at K-Mart...

Wolf

No, she will put lace trim on all the pillowcases!

Well, under the truth is stranger than fiction, it has come to my attention that the

Scary!